If he only reached out to you for sex, what does that tell you? Whew! I’ve been chatting with a girl for 6 months, she told me I was everything to her and she could never do without me on a daily basis. Or that they were never important enough to merit a proper explanation. All I replied was that I hoped everything will get better and that I understood and that was the last communication we had. Otherwise, you’ll be left feeling empty and betrayed again. But then 2 weeks later, out of the blue, he just stopped calling. It means he is using his phone. I've learned that even though I finally got closure, it really didn't help. Can you? I still had thoughts about John, but only when I was feeling really insecure. Then you come along and show her how a healthy relationship starts: friendship and fun! My husband of 23 years said he needed space, he loved me and please could i wait for him to sort himself out and then disappeared. I have been dating this person for about 6 months , he pretty much wanted to marry me have kids. May as well have rubbed crap in my face! I ignored the other stuff for 3 years in fear of losing him. He wasn't that invested in you in the first place. We broke up because she was cheating on me. I am healed now and realize I deserve someone who respects me more than that. I really need someone’s advice because my head is going in circles. ONLY if you are okay with it. He still smiles when we looks at me and still looks me in the eye. I feel so much better since I got the closure. Hang in there. What am I to do now? Don't chase her....she is merely saying yes to another path. We went on dates, i used to bring her flowers as I'm very romantic. I was with someone for three years once, we broke up, talked once in a while for a month, then one day for no reason(I'm sure their is one but I don't know it) she flipped out and told me all the things she hated about me and never talked to me again. NO WAY !!. I really feel like crap and duped and played now. He would pick up one of his sons who is the toddler and the other is still a baby (4months) and she didn't trust him yet to take care of the baby so he would take care of the toddler. Your lady morphed into someone else, not the person you fell in love with. Maybe he is depressed, I don't know. Within the past week she has ceased all communication despite the most benign invitation to simply drop me a note and tell me how she is doing. I think I still feel like I want her to validate what we had but she seems to be too proud over how she made me feel and it all seemed to end in a power struggle. Of course, time is a great teacher as well as a great healer, and although it was baffling and upsetting at the time, I like to think I've grown enough to accept that I probably deserved the break-up (if not the specific method of delivery). Yes, we stopped talking at least three times I walked away after realizing he really stayed distant from me. I opened to one of his social media account and apparently he told the world that he will vanish .. but didn't mention it to me at all .. About a month and a half ago I met a woman who I believed to be married but who was nonetheless coming onto me. Then im being told im crazy and delusional and immature because he is a two years older than me and “knows so much more about life”. She didn't wanna b an abused woman. It is tearing me up inside to continue getting these text messages and crumbs of attention from you knowing that it isn't the way it used to be. For once i was happy to have dated someone that wasn't from a dating app. I told him that I loved him and that I would do what I had to do to prove to him but if he wanted us to end to let me know. We were dating since July last year and I stayed with him during his surgery. I try to call. It was as if I didn't exist for him any more - as if I was a ghost. Why would I waste time explaining it?” Perhaps when relationships are cheap in the first place, ghosting becomes par for the course. If that person did care for you and me.. they wouldnt have left in the first place. I would give anything to have him back even as a friend. I just think it's odd he returns and 3 days later i don't hear from u anymore. Annette Thomas (author) from Northeast Texas on December 14, 2014: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting. No reply. Well she did however she convinced him she got him away not that far considering I see him everyday which lingers so much hurt still bc we spend literally every single day together for 11 months. Think about this, pray for understanding, and know that this is closure. But, I have not seen, spoken to or emailed him in 7 months, I asked him not to contact me in any way, and never answered his emails. The longest breakup was a month which was two days before my birthday (November 25th). His mom has said things to me such as get a job you loser which I'm the farthest thing from to actually saying to me as well when we were together that she couldn't understand y he cares for me n my family so much were nobody this is also a women who called the police on himat least ten times and had him sent to 72hour psych hold in which he called me everyday when that occurred he told me so many deep deep things that's she's done over the years to ppl n him n I truly felt awful for him n wanted to do nothing but bring joy to his life Ashe did bring joy to mine by being there showing me affection countless ly explaining on a regular basis how much I meant to him n how his mom would never come between us. I tried to understand him but I just couldn't understand why he couldn't just text me it takes seconds to say sorry babe, I am busy ill reply in a bit'. Thank you for the best time in my life, and I say that with extreme honesty. I now understand why its so wrong to do. Short, sweet, and to the point. Finally I got a text telling me he loves me but he feels I am not ready for a relationship at this time because I barely made time for him, and because I would be working a second job that would not be a good relationship and apparently I seemed unsure of our relationship. So I released him. You know, doesn't feel the same way but won't tell you either. Thats when feelings grew and we became a couple after another month passed. I let this man come in to my life a second time and he did the same thing again disappeared without telling me why am I stupid I really thought it was going to work out this time. Needing "closure" is necessary for some people, like us. he wanted to marry me. But I do want a closure and potentially getting back to where we were before dating. Renew old friendships & do things for yourself. We went on two very good dates. It has nothing to do with whether you've pressured him as such difference is a major deal breaker in any relationship. Let him collect himself. Let yourself heal and talk to someone you trust about what happened. Wanted to make sure. He was definitely for it and never once gave me the impression he wasnt! Those same feelings from before resurfaced and I told him, again "I'm still into you" basically. At one point tbey broke ho and we agreed to coffee then she blew me off to be with him. First, thank you for writing this article. Its been 3/4 weeks now and i havent heard anything from him and i dont even know what ive done wrong. I just want to hear it from him. No emails. He started dating someone new 1 month after the break up and displayed ALL the rebound signs… I heard that it’s not always a good idea to reach out if someone else is in the picture so I’ve been giving it some time. But I need closure how can you just stop loving someone. I read almost every comment. So in December I asked if I could meet her before Christmas? Very hard to believe since he had just been here and was very affectionate and loving. Why are you lashing out at this article? It's like she liked that I chased her and that I regretted breaking up and it made it all easier for her to get over me right away without having to look back. He promised me the world and more the first week. Acknowledge your pain. She started disappearing days, and suddenly boom!. t © Jasenka Petanjek CC:Attribution-ShareAlike. He won't answer anything, email, facebook, phone calls. Things were progressing well. It hurts like hell. I saw all of it coming before he sent that final text, and I never heard from him again. We agreed to take a stepback and try to be friends and see how things would go from then. i confronted him over facebook, he just blocked me on everything. I Talked to her two weeks ago and never heard from her again. We talked every day and shared many moments and now I was left to be ignored and hanging, having so many questions with a shattered self esteem and bruised ego. Specially when he was told that I was not strong enough to handle heartbreak. He did ask me to come over and talk one night but I was sleep when I got the text (that was last week) I saw him yesterday (to pick up my bud) and...idk it's weird. So the best option is DISAPPEAR. It was kind of a long distance thing between us. Weirdly enough she wrote me on Christmas but only one line and then went straight back to ignore me. Trust me he is very mature and when hearing this, I kinda just let it pass my mind. Does that means he didn’t had any feelings for me ,but then why will he be loving and romantic when we were together . Last month was rocky we would argue, because again I wasn't satisfied with the communication I was getting.. maybe I was too needy? 2 months later he did it again. After that he was furious and we didn't talk as much but I ran into the other woman after I had the twins, she realized that I had given birth. Left him a message which he never replied. oh i can find an legitimate excuse ok my dads been going through cancer treatment now is his second time in 1and half years . Some I wave to awkwardly when our paths cross at parties; others for whom Facebook has formed the basis of a sufficiently casual but well-meaning truce. Sure, it hurts to lose somebody, but it's much easier when you're not left hanging, not knowing the reasons why. I know some may say I dodged a bullet, but I am really having a hard time reconciling this man who was so good to me with the one who left with no explanation. On January 20th, he was supposed to hangout with me, but instead lied and did drugs because I went towards his house and he was the most messed up I have ever seen him. i have experieanced this not once have i been asked if im ok or is there some it wrong. She went abroad to continue her studies, and after a couple of months, she started behave differently (No passion or that desire to talk to me). But over the next few weeks, my emails, letters, even doorbell rings went unacknowledged. Its hurts bad. Alaine Opilas from Philippines on January 14, 2015: read mine also https://hubpages.com/relationships/Secrets-in-succ... :). It happened to Kate Townshend. It worked for me and I’ve never slept better!!! Annette Thomas (author) from Northeast Texas on February 02, 2018: What I am hearing in your story is that this man was unstable and controlling. I think this is where he reached his breaking point. Because it's 'familiar', the brain locks on to it and connects it as normal. But I also have one, the longest and most significant relationship of my life - until my husband came along - whose fate I have no idea about. What I wanted, was to have my relationship cake, but not to have to move in with it. If they do, that's when one must be strong and not let the person back in again to prevent the pattern from repeating. He gave me no explanation as to why he was no longer willing or interested to peruse things. Really? Ghosting is the opposite of the philosophy that says you should talk it out, find closure, move forward with forgiveness and love. I was in a 2 year relationship recently that I had to end because he was ghosting me and just would not come out and tell me he was moving another direction. So I'm stupid cuz I still love my... person(long distance ex/bf/?) It might even be why some of Ashley Madison’s ‘clients’ are currently suffering, under the threat of their own former (extramarital) trysts returning from the past to haunt the present. i understand he has a lot on his plate, and originally had told me how he wasn't planning to date at all.. but I just randomly came into his life and he fell for me HARD. Annette Thomas (author) from Northeast Texas on July 31, 2018: Sounds like you are still bitter and resentful. It can leave the abandoned partner with a feeling of being used or "having the rug pulled out from under them." The last time I heard his voice was in a fight. When they entered and gave me 100% i felt there was no reason to hold back so i gave 100% aswell. Not good relationship material to behave that way. hes ignored me since. He left with no goodbye or explanation. He's been MIA on snapchat it seems and instagram but I feel because he knows I have him there and I do lurk. Don’t start a new relationship immediately. We've known each other for few years are were relatively close friends before. He said he's trying that he just got busier ; works 10hrs a day, then gets home around 7, has to fix his car, clean his room, errands, etc. Then one day we went from planning our future to arguing that he doesnt remember ever asking me to be his girlfriend or even saying he loves me. I've also learned that people who can just disappear like that lack empathy and only care about themselves. For sure. that night he said he didnt love me and left. We fell out of love but even now we are great friends. She is in love still but he fell out of love so thats why he asked for a divorce and because they always fought. I told him I can't go on like that he told me he needs me to go across the world to see him for him to trust me again so I did! I had a three year committed relationship with a 74 year old widower. I was the one who broke up with him but I didn't mean to end things so quickly. This has nothing to do with you, nor did you do anything wrong. Its not an easy thing to do, but its a must. I want kids and thought it was only fair after 14 months to ask if this relationship was leading anywhere. He told me he would never just vanish on me... and then he did. Annette Thomas (author) from Northeast Texas on October 11, 2018: Look at this situation through these glasses..............she is not saying NO to you, but she is saying Yes to another part of her life. Annette Sharp holds a BAAS in Behavioral Science from Texas A&M. When somebody disappears with no response, it's not a good sign. Then, right after his last round of chemo he blocked me on all social media and when I asked him for an explanation he said to stop asking him. I tried to stay busy, but I had a bad feeling inside. This year I went to college so I had to move out since the college is in a different city. I later heard he was living with another women. I feel like it's really over now. I was in a relationship with a man that I loved unconditionally but to find out he was back and forth with the mother of his kids. If his issues are this deep seated, it may be best to cut ties. You will survive. It had nothing to do with me or anything I did “wrong”, it has everything to do with you and where you are in your life. He was just an illusion. I did tell him that but he said he understood, he wanted to get married right away and have kids. but 2 days before that he was spouting how much he loved me and that im his world. But if you’re lucky you may find a friend who will convince your ex to get back with you if she hasn’t already found someone else “better than” you. "Articles like this one presume the one who was left is a victim.".....NO. I had been in an on and off again relationship with my Narc for 25 years and I finally broke free. "Unless, of course, there was a legitimate, true reason for the disappearing act, though I can’t think of many legitimate excuses. But not all the time. He made no plans with me for the coming weekend. I'm very sorry you have been hurt. We had our ups and downs but always go through it. It’s called spending almost 3 years with someone who fills your head with nothing but promises and words of affirmation and then you come to find out they’re constantly knocking on their toxic ex-girlfriend’s back door when things between you get rough. I experienced the same, and my relationship lasted over a YEAR! I blocked him. It's cowardly and mean, but the more it becomes a 'thing' with its own expression, the more it, sadly, seems to be becoming acceptable.”. After about 2 months it slowed down and he stopped mentioning marriage and the heavy love talk stopped too. So sorry for your pain....you can do this!! to be honest these people some times dont care about any thing else .they never ask you if theres any thing wrong all they thik of is themselves . Annette Thomas (author) from Northeast Texas on January 31, 2018: I totally understand your grief. I realized I had left some items at his house, so after 2 weeks I sent a message requesting them back and I thanked him for his many kindnesses to me. You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, it's a choice. I am also concerned because he met a girl at his sisters birthday dinner on January 19th, but he literally just met her so I think it was the lie. I have not texted him or called him. She even said i was the best thing that happened to her in 2017. As time went on I grew into his world and felt that he maybe the One. You're in a foreign country. No phone calls. And since I'm leaving the state for school, I told him straight up I want you to be my boyfriend and to come with me. For most, closure happens when your significant other tells you point blank that it’s over. Do your best to make new friends and attachments. We haven’t spoken since the break-up text. Inaction on their part can act as closure for you. no explanation. my partner did this to me. What did I do so bad to a man that fail to respond to me while hurting me deeply. My marital status was complicated as was his - he said. I got in touch with his best friend just to make sure he's ok that's all, and he assured me he was ok and ever since then i did not contact him or tried to reach him in anyway, I lost my best friend and i can't trust anyone anymore .. you.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting. Just a tiny bit of background: I was with my ex for 6 years. God bless you and I speak peace in your soul. I found out that he was with someone else all that time, but it didn't work out with them. I'm not saying she could come back, but what a wonderful thing you have done to give freely to this lady. I contacted him after my finals were done on December 18th and he was so thankful to have me back in his life and explained how he wanted to contact me but didn't know how. No answer. That just made me so angry that led me to say mean things to him. But above all putting yourself first and your well being is a must. I must forgive to move on but I do hope when Karma shows up for him I am aware of the outcome. But on fb I know he's been active since he added two co workers and all.. so it hurts knowing he's just ignoring my message. It's best for me to take a complete break from any contact with you. He said he knew it was me - HE DID NOT !! I know this is far fetched, but it came to my mind. Anyways he started taking the codeine for the pain from his surgery and became hooked. We were together for four years, he lived with my family for a bit, and we talked each other through a variety of twenty-something problems. Kate Townshend was ghosted by an ex partner, Being ghosted by an ex can be really hard, Many Ashley Madison website users are likely to be worried about the data leak, 'QAnon shaman' Jake Angeli not eating as prison won't provide organic food, Inside the lives of the Sex and the City characters at 50, Joe Biden selects William Burns to be CIA director, Peter Crouch delivers big tie, medium laughs in double FA Cup draw, article on the phenomenon of 'ghosting' recently. Have an affair’ maybe ghosting is the obvious choice for ending things, as anyone who’s ever wished an embarrassing ex would just disappear can testify. He professed his undying love. Maybe I can be friends after a while, but not now. I’m pretty sure I’d still take the talking and the fighting and the explaining over the silence, any day though. This morning Feb 15 i check on him on viber to check for time stamps and saw that he was online till 1AM. They're going to need it! I read this article way too late. I sent him away and blocked him everywhere. I gave him many chances to forgive him but yesterday it took a toll and he betrayed me again I feel very hurt now and he still hasn’t given me an explanation. Live in Bf - of 1.5 years went on vacation and ghosted me on day 2 when i got into a bad accident and went to the hospital. She loved it as did i. I fell in love with her. All this time he wanted to get me pregnant and I found out I was , just this Monday I told him via text, All he told me was to get rid of it and how much he wished I wasn't. I don't know what is going on with him. After that day I never heard from him again! All was well and good and he's just such a sweet and very caring guy. That was the last time I heard from him. Annette Thomas (author) from Northeast Texas on October 15, 2017: I've been getting lots of comments about people being rudely dumped, hung up on, ignored repeatedly, and lied to. This is where he said, " we always argue over the same thing, i try to give you as much communication as I can, but its never good enough for you". After that, we started to text just as friends since believe it or not, at that party I had found out that he had two kids with his ex(wife). he was devastated. I pulled the disappearing act because she she has a boyfriend. All I ever asked for was to be able to say good bye. She only managed to find the traction she needed to get out when she stopped engaging. I would never do this to anyone. Wikipedia calls closure, in the psychological sense, "a conclusion to a traumatic event or experience in a person's life.". A man who is interested, but not setting-up dates will often become very interested when he stops hearing from you. Something in my gut tells me he wont and I feel like I am going insane with no real answer. He changed his mind or maybe he was an imposter. Hi, thank you for writing this article. He came back 5 months later, on Christmas Eve, apologising and wanting to start the relationship again. This is something in her that is insecure. You left because you had to. I have to think that he has problems I did not know about or I will drive myself mad blaming myself. I know he wasn't seeing anyone else. I just can't move on and the only way how is by blocking or deleting him everywhere but if i don't know if its over how can i? If no response will send you into a sadness/depression, don't do it. But I just want to tell him that he shouldn't do that to people. im so confused. It takes time to process feelings of rejection. She changed. What happened in their life to cause such a sudden change? And if i wait for what? and if that happens after 3 years of relationship? We spent every weekend together along with some weekdays, vacations, and family functions. That in itself proves his character. He did not block that one. Psychologist and UK dating expert of the year Jo Hemming certainly thinks that the phenomenon is more often damaging than useful. I'm trying to let it go. Talk about a slap! So, my friend and I have been really close for 5 years. I am hurt, but at the same time I don't want to lose our friendship. It’s been a long hard road, but I still have anger and resentments that my wife suffers for, it’s not been easy, and part of me has never come back. I begged her for 4 months in emails to at least call me and let me say good bye, but she refused to do that for me. Whether you want to win him back or you just need clarity on what you want, following the no contact rule is a great way to have some space emotionally and physically after a breakup.